Bittersweet On My Tongue...

"Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes the night air smell better..."

Henry Rollins wrote that...& I think truer words were never spoken.

Lonliness is the human condition.

Strange thing is....I think I like mine...to a degree.

It sucks to be lonely...this much is true. & every creature seeks out companionship in one form or another...from human hands reaching for another in the dark....fingers desperately twining together....to the wolf howling at the moon...calling out to the Others.

I think it's the price one pays for Freedom...or maybe that's not true at all. Maybe it's merely the price one pays NOW.

I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I talk to myself here on the interwebs to get the words out of my head. I'm writing...just to write...because I hear the "rust in my Voice"...& I'm trying to work it out lest I become a mute.

Sometimes the lonliness gets to me...at 3am when I just can't sleep, or when I'm driving in my car late at night, & I can't help but notice the Christmas tinsel wrapped around the lamposts on every streetcorner...flapping in the breeze.

But when I really start to think about it...I relish my freedom. I fought hard to get it. It's not something I wish to relinquish any time soon. I have a tightknit circle of friends..."my pack", as I think of them, when I truely seek human companionship.

Often I prefer my own company. Or that of the Creature variety. My dog has become my most steadfast companion. He's much better company than my Ex.

Although... while I know I'll always value his companionship...I am also aware that it won't replace the need for human companionship.

But...


Maybe I'm not ready. Or maybe I just haven't met the right person...."my soulmate"? Does he exist? Or is he merely a Myth?

Do I even believe in such fanciful notions anymore?

Right now...I like not having to answer to another. I like staying out too late...& sleeping until I'm ready to crawl out of bed. I like taking late night walks...& playing records into the wee hours of the morning. & no one complains....

I like watching thunderstorms...& spinning & wandering in the rain...& howling at the moon with my canine brother. I like writing jibberish...& painting skewed perspectives & writing poetry on bits of napkins.

I like reading a book I love...for the 9th time...& underlining all of the words that resonate with me...& being able to simply "dog-ear" the page, so as not to lose my place. I like listening to strange music...& going to see bands I've never even heard of before play live on a whim...because I just happen to have nothing better to do on a random Wednesday...

I like burning candles & incense that leave my basement lair with lingering odors reminiscent "of an old ladies closet"; when I open my door, this inviting Earthy aroma envelopes you now...it never completely fades. I like talking on my phone until all hours of the night.

I like talking to my dog; he never tells me to "shut up!"...or thinks me crazy.

I like getting crazy ideas & being impulsive.

& I like having the freedom to do it.

....I like finding Myself again....It was much too long since I last saw Her...